Winning Manuscript
from:
National Pre-teen Corp

Writers' Intl. Forum proudly served as judge in
National Pre-teen Corporation's Short Story Competition for 1998.


The Show
By Jaclynn Ranallo

(13-year-old 1st Place winner in the Senior Division of
National Pre-teen Corporation's Short Story Competition for 1998)


 

"R-r-ring!" went the 7th-hour tardy bell. At any other time, Katie Matthews and her friends would be scattering around to make it to class on time, but not 7th hour. This was the time when they got an hour to rest, relax and, of course, gossip and socialize!

They sat in their normal spots. Lindsey, as always, insisted she be in the middle since she always had more to talk about than everyone else anyway. They talked about the usual stuff. Their sentences started with something like, "Can you believe who--," "Did you see--," or "Look at--." Rebecca asked them what they were going to do that night. They all burst out laughing. In the small town of Hartshorne there was only one thing to do on Friday night: go to "The Show." The Show was a movie theater that had been in Hartshorne for years. Most of the kids around town saw it as ancient because many of their parents had spent their weekends as kids doing the exact same thing.

Hartshorne was once a coal mining town before the Great Depression and was heavily populated with immigrant coal miners from such places as Italy, Russia, Poland, etc. It boasted hotels and five banks. The Show was the last legacy of the boom days that Hartshorne once knew.

The girls then moved on to the next crisis at hand. Katie and her cheer-leading squad were having a terrible time trying to raise money for new uniforms. The uniforms the girls were using were almost as old as The Show! It seemed no matter how many fundraisers they had, it just wasn't enough. And now everyone would run the other way when they saw a cheerleader with another bar of flavorless chocolate coming their way. The girls gave up on the subject and began predicting the lucky girl who Billy Watson would take to the school dance.

Mr. Jones interrupted with his everyday dismissal speech, and the end-of-the-day bell rang out. Katie told her friends good-bye and ran to catch the bus. On the bus, Katie blocked out the noise and the smelly exhaust fumes and dodged paper wads as they whizzed by her head. Her mind was on getting home, getting a snack and the major decision of what to wear for the night.

As the bus stopped, Katie's little brother began dragging her down the aisle and up the long winding driveway. After having their daily ritual of a snack of ice-cold Mountain Dew and a grilled cheese sandwich with chips, Katie got her brother settled watching cartoons and retreated to her room. She took a cool shower, then began the dreaded chore of fixing her hair and picking out her clothes. She chose her wide-leg jeans, a pastel striped tank top and her Dr. Martin sandals. Just as she finished dressing, she heard her mom pulling up in the drive. Katie barely had time to say anything to her before her ride came.

On Katie's way to the door, her mom asked, "Where are you going?"

Katie answered, "Good one, Mom," and her mom laughed and told her good-bye.

Her ride was her best friend, Tarah, who had just gotten her driver's license and the car of Katie's dreams, a new maroon Mustang with tinted windows. When they got to the movies, she greeted Burt, the owner of The Show, and noticed that he had a strange look on his face. She wondered what was up because Burt was always joking and kidding around, but this night he barely spoke. As they approached the ticket booth, the girls noticed a sign hanging on the glass. It read, "Final Weekend. Thanks for your business."

Katie looked at Burt and asked why this was happening. Burt explained that his son, Bill, was leaving for college and that he would have no one to run the place. He handed them their wrist bands and told them to move along. Katie and the girls moved on into the lobby. This was the place where most of the girls had met and became good friends in the summer before sixth grade! But now nothing seemed the same; the popcorn even smelled different. Even Andy, the concession clerk who always wore a goofy grin and told really lame jokes, seemed different tonight.

During the movie, Katie couldn't stop thinking about how this was it! Her life was going to be officially dull. No Friday night hangout, no Monday morning chat about who had been seen in the balcony. Later that night when Katie lay in her bed, she began to think of how her brother would never get to enjoy the same Friday night fun she once had and how it just wouldn't be the same at Hartshorne without The Show.

Katie awoke to the alarm clock blaring. She had a cheer-leading meeting, so she pulled herself up, threw on her wind pants and an old gray sweatshirt. She jogged to the gym where everyone was waiting.

"Nice of you to join us," said Miss Roland, their sponsor. The problem of uniforms was not going away, so they put their heads together and started spouting off all kinds of ideas. As one of the girls was writing the ideas on a tablet, Katie noticed the blue-and-white wrist band she still wore from the movie theater the night before. Without even thinking, Katie screamed, "I've got it!"

After recovering from the shock of Katie's shrill voice, Miss Roland said, "What is it?"

Katie started out by asking, "What is on all of our minds right now?" Everyone began to reply "the uniforms," and Katie said, "Well, what about what happened last night?" A puzzled look came across all the faces looking up at Katie. As she began to explain her plan, the girls loved it. They would ask Burt, with Miss Roland's help, if they could run The Show. They were so excited that they wanted to run right down and ask Burt right then. Miss Roland said they needed first to come up with a really good speech for him. They worked for hours and finally had every word fine-tuned. They would meet back at the gym that evening and go to see Burt.

Burt was surprised to see the girls when they walked in three hours before the Saturday night movie. He met them at the door and the girls immediately proceeded with their mission. When Burt finally had a chance to speak, he told them he would love to help but that the building was old, not making a profit, and he was ready to give up. A hush fell over the group and Miss Roland thanked Burt for his time. On the way back to the gym, Miss Roland told the girls she felt Burt would not change his mind so they needed to move on to another plan. She was totally unaware of what nine girls could accomplish once their minds were set.

The next week was long and, although the girls were brainstorming every chance they got, it looked hopeless. It was Homecoming for the "Miners," Hartshorne's high school football team, and every year the pep assembly was held at The Show. It was the only place large enough to fit everyone in. Burt had agreed that the pep assembly would still be held as planned, but that it would be the last one.

Friday night rolled around and Katie was trying to occupy her time since there was no place to go. She got down some old yearbooks that belonged to her mom and dad. While laughing at all the funky clothes and weird hairdos, she came across a familiar face. At first, she couldn't place the face, but after looking closer, she realized it was Burt! He played football? He was the football captain? Katie jumped up and ran downstairs.

Her mom and dad told her all about Burt and his high school days. As she flipped on through the pages, there were numerous picture of Burt and his wife, Lauren, together. They were Best Boy and Girl, Best Couple, and Homecoming King and Queen! When Katie saw them, she knew exactly how to save The Show. She ran upstairs and picked up the phone to spread the news when she noticed her bright indi-glo clock read midnight. She put the phone down; the news would have to wait.

Katie could hardly wait for the alarm clock to go off the next morning. Finally the time came and Katie jumped out of bed and flung herself down the stairs. She could not wait to tell her friends of Burt's glory days and to plan the most important pep rally Hartshorne had ever seen.

Miss Roland loved the idea and asked Katie if she would speak during the assembly. Katie was very hesitant; she was not fond of speaking alone to a crowd, especially in front of everyone she knew! She agreed, after all it was their only chance. The excitement was riding high and everyone worked together and before they knew it the big day had come.

People poured into The Show that night, all of Hartshorne had turned out for the last pep rally. Burt made his way to his usual seat in the back row. Katie felt a thrill of nervousness and encouragement run through her body as the band started to play. The whole place was vibrating with drums banging, people yelling and feet stomping. Just then Katie saw the bright strobe lights hit the stage and she knew this was her cue. Her legs felt as though they were stone and planted! She took a deep breath and made her way to the center of the stage.

Katie started her speech by telling everyone that this would be the last pep rally in The Show. She went on to say how lucky they all were to have been part of such a legacy, that the football team had taken its name, "Miners," from the booming coal-mining days, and how this old building (the last standing tribute to those days) had endured the good times and the bad. Katie thanked Burt for allowing the kids to hold their rallies there in spite of all the crazy pranks he had put up with through the years. Katie then introduced the head Coach.

Suspense built throughout the crowd as Coach Bond introduced each player and told them how proud he was of them. "These kids are hard players and never give up," he said. Coach Bond then went on to say how one player excels each year. He then asked Burt to come up to the stage.

Burt was certainly surprised, but went up as he was asked. The coach told the crowd about one player who had never lost the spirit, a player named 1968 Player of the Year, Burt Bagwell. He then asked Burt to announce the 1998 Player of the Year.

A roar of applause came across the building--it was unbelievable. As Katie saw the smile spread across Burt's face, it reminded her of the yearbook pictures that had brought this all together. She knew that Burt was reliving that feeling of glory.

As the crowd grew silent, Burt announced Billy Watson as 1998 Player of the Year. Then Burt turned toward Katie, raised the microphone and made the announcement that everyone had really hoped to hear. He asked the cheerleaders to come on stage, and he presented Miss Roland with a key--the key to The Show.

"This is a night to go down in 'Miner' history," Burt said, "and The Show will always be a part of it!"

 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jaclynn Ranallo is a 13-year-old writer. Her short story, "The Show," won 1st Place in the Senior Division short story competition sponsored by the National Pre-teen Corporation. She accepted her award on-stage at the Eighteenth Annual Miss National Pre-teen and Pre-teen Petite Pageant in Orlando, Florida, on November 26th, 1998.

Boys and girls from around the country are eligible to participate in this competition; check out the National Pre-teen Corporation's web site for details.  

 
EDITOR'S COMMENTS

Highlights:
This strong story from a young author demonstrates a tightly structured plot in which every element fits the story at hand. Her main character is facing two problems: how to raise money for her team's cheerleading uniforms and the realization that life just won't be the same in her town without The Show.

Jaclynn uses small details to accomplish two important things. First, her use of specific details (like her clothes and the exact food she prepares) make readers feel as if they know this girl. And they make her seem very much like most young girls. This will make young readers feel close to Katie and, therefore, interested in her situation.

The author also uses details to tightly pull her plot together. Even her little brother, who doesn't seem to fit into these problems of hers, contributes to the plot. Because he makes her think how sad it will be that he won't ever have the same Friday night fun she has had if The Show isn't around.

Jaclynn then ties the story plot even tighter by pulling in past generations. The Show was a special place to her folks, it is special to Katie now and, if she can save it, it will be important to her brother someday, too. This creates a strong plot, in which Katie is not just trying to help herself, but is trying to also do something good for other people. A good plot has a problem the main character needs to solve; a great plot has a problem that is important to more than just the main character. Thank you, Jaclynn, for this great story!
 

 
READER COMMENTS

From a reader in California:
"I was raised in Hartshorne and I also spent many weekend nights at the Show. It was a great place to be with friends. It is sad to see so many businesses fading away with time in the small town. Hartshorne was a wonderful place to grow up and I hope someday I will be able to move back to Hartshorne and give my children the chance to grow up in such a small area. Thank you for reminding me of the fun times at the show."
--Melinda Sherrill Sandefur

From a reader in Oklahoma:
"Jaclynn, what a wonderful surprise it was to read your story on the Internet. It always makes teachers feel especially good to see students do well. Your story was wonderful. I hope you continue to write more and more stories. The way you used fact and fiction together was great. You made your story come to life. Again, Jaclynn, GREAT JOB!!"
--Mrs. Lerblance

From another reader in Oklahoma:
Jaclyn, I can really appreciate your inspiring story. One of the main reasons is because I lived that exact experience growing up there. I was probably one of the funny dressed characters you captured in your story but what really amazed me is how you captured the moments of how we loved our tradition of being the best, in our sport, football. My hat off to you. I am truly proud.
--Charles Foster


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